I have had the opportunity to read through all of your journal entries and even chat with a few of you and have come to the conclusion that all of you are need of medical and psychological intervention and in general are plain icky!

I have decided to offer my services as a personal coach and counselor. I feel that this would be such a benefit to those of you who suffer from a variety of strange psychological disorders (FYI..that would be ALL of you). Especially those who either:

A: Believe that they are a monkey and have two imaginary brothers. I would suggest a very robust program for this individual (you know who you are)


B: Claim to be part of a very strict religious background but take all opportunities to be first in line to burn in hell (FYI….we don’t need to see the penis again. Gross)


C: Those of you with strange interests in inanimate objects….pantyhose, Vaseline, women’s clothing. (Where did your mother’s go wrong???)


D: Suffer from a strange neurosis causing personality changes that are out of control. One minute asking for us to ruin you and the next angry that we had harmless fun doing it.….hmmm I guess that goes for all of you as well.

E: Give damning information to an enchanting Goddess well knowing that She will be reporting all her findings to the most dangerous woman on the planet who will use it to exploit you for her and her beautiful sisters' benefit and amusement.

If you decide to take advantage of this new and exciting opportunity you must trust me completely and offer up any information I ask for even if it seems totally unrelated to your case. For instance we may need to know personal tidbits about you and your family. I may also need to know things about your financial situation. If you have secret bank accounts, stocks, bonds, college funds tucked away for your children etc. Remember…all of this would be vital for you to have a quick and speedy recovery so you must not question me at any time or my methods.

Please contact Sierra for an appointment to see Mariah MD. My fees will be on an adjustable scale depending how much “treatment” you might need…..I’m guessing lots and lots for most of you.

And most important of all remember you can trust me and can tell me anything you want! I wouldn’t want to break the bonds of the patient/doctor relationship would I? heehee